This blog moved to http://www.livejournal.com/~christological/! expect bolder views and the ultimate use of freedom. are you ready for this?

8:58 AM>

It’s been a tough but fun week. I was really into catching up with the lessons I’ve missed. So far, I’m doing great it’s just pretty much tiring though. Ever heard of the fourth year syndrome? I heard this term from Dino de Leon. By the way, let’s talk about the nature of the fourth year syndrome. It’s a psychosomatic disease (one that is just invented so don’t freak out!) wherein you don’t feel like studying or doing anything anymore because you’re already 4th year. I get a sinking feeling that I’m already experiencing the dreaded 4th year syndrome. I find it hard to find my drive for studying. Anyway, enough of the 4th year syndrome let’s talk about something interesting. I’ve been hurt so many times before because of falling for the wrong person. I used to be this person longing to have someone in my life. At the end of the day, I’ve realized that it’s so much easier to be alone and free. The thing is I’m young and there is still a lot of time for love in the future. Right now, I should just enjoy life and live it as if it was my last. Am I traumatized by all the heartaches I’ve experienced? As of the moment, I really don’t know. I even question myself if it was really love. I feel that it was more of a deep infatuation. Never the less, I’ve learned how to cry just because I’ve learned that if it wasn’t meant to be then it wasn’t meant to be. My belief for destiny is now becoming stronger. Come to think of it, all of the things that happened to me happened for a reason. Now that I’ve pondered on it, my past feels like the perfect missing puzzle piece to the formation of something great. If there was a minor change that happened in my past then everything that I’m experiencing now could have been massively different. I wouldn’t like that to happen because I love my life the way it is. It all leads down to one question that I couldn’t answer. Why am I here on earth? Is it to learn the lessons of life? So what if I learn it? Sometimes the simplest questions are the hardest to answer. Sorry if this entry has become a super reflection entry. I’m just bombarded with a lot of deep thoughts and I just wanna spill the beans.
On a lighter note, I’m becoming close to my crush. Of course I’m admiring her without her even knowing it. I’m not a stalker! It’s just that I don’t want her to know because right now our friendship is really in good shape. I have no intentions of destroying just about that. We’re completely different people but we totally jive. I’m the goal oriented serious type on the other hand she’s the carefree clown. That’s what I like about her we balance each other. I’m teaching her how to focus and she’s teaching me how to have fun. Now I believe that opposites attract. I hope she doesn’t read my blog… God it’s so obvious! I have no plans of saying that I’m starting to like her because I don’t want to lose this friendship. It happened to me so many times already and I don’t want to experience it again. Then again, what if she likes me? If I don’t say what I feel then it’s a total waste. What if she’s already with someone’s arms when I have the courage to tell her how I feel? I don’t want to rush myself. I just want to enjoy the feeling as of now.

6:26 PM>

I was able to prove a lot to myself this weekend. My efforts for making debate beautiful were actually paying off. It’s a great feeling to actually see the fruits of my labor. As we all know, I’m pretty much new in debating compared to my counter parts in other schools who have been debating since they were in first year high school. In fact, I’ve been debating for roughly about 8 months which is really nothing compared to the amount of time they were spending training. So I was really unsure as to how much I could do in the Inquirer 2bu Interschool Debate Championship (IISDC). It’s the country’s biggest debate competition which has about 300 debaters from all over the Philippines. I was representing Claret “A” which was in fact hard to carry because there were a lot of expectations coming from everyone given that Claret –A is the flag carrier of our school. I gave out all my effort during the competition. I didn’t mind it at all that I lack debate experience compared to my counterparts in Miriam , Ateneo, ICA or what have you. All I did was do my best in every game and try to aim high. All of my efforts of researching and training everyday paid off thanks to the help of God almighty. Together with Carlo Flores, we’ve conquered the IISDC and we ended up as the 24th seeded team out of so many institutions. We’ve garnered 13 points which is 5 points behind the top team during the elimination rounds. We were able to take the lead in the octofinals of the tournament beating ICA-C , ranked 9th best team , CSA-C the 10th team in the break rounds and UPIS- E respectively. On the octofinals the motion was This house believes that requiring permits to rally is a democratic imperative in the Philippines. On that round, we were able to eliminate CSA-C and ICA-C which ranked pretty much higher than us on the break rounds. With that, we were able to move to the quarter finals where only 16 teams remain over 132 teams that participated. Sadly our quest ended at the quarter finals. It was really a memorable experience which I’m going to treasure forever and I’ve really learned a lot. I thank God for this opportunity and I hope to do better next time. The lesson I’ve learned is that it’s not about how long you’ve been debating but how well you’ve been preparing. It only means that nothing is impossible if you dream and aim high for it.

9:04 PM>

I'm kinda bored and I was surfing the net and I ended up at CJ's blog| CJ |. It was really girlish but it's worth it... A few minutes of escaping the world. It kills time as well. It was just a typical boring day. We were forced to pray rosary in school under the sun. I'm not in the mood to write anything because I'm out of ideas as to what I'm going to write about and I still have to finish my term paper...

6:20 AM>

I’m melancholic and at the same time euphoric. It’s a feeling that is so hard to put into words. It’s something I’m not used to experience. The thing is I don’t know whether I should indeed rejoice or feel depressed. First, I like to point out that I’m feeling better as each day passes because a simple blog entry enlightened the people around me. I’m thankful because they took time to assess my feelings. I like to ask for their forgiveness as well because I was in such a bad mood when I wrote that particular entry. I wasn’t really targeting anyone but I was raged by the idea and not the people who did it. I was thankful because I can see that everyone was trying to appease me. “Sorry” is one of the most powerful words that somebody could utter. Such a short word enlightens a crude heart. I could really see the effort that everyone was trying to be sorry about bashing debate. I salute everyone who understood my situation. Hats off to you guys! I was just overwhelmed by the fact that a straightforward entry could mend my relationship with other people. I mean I was awed by the idea that a number of people felt and understood what I was trying to convey. Even some people that I didn’t even considered to be anti debate approached me and said they were sorry. It touched my life in so many ways than one. It pushes me further to become a better person and to represent Claret with pride and honor. There is only one thing that I find really annoying. It’s my ability to manage time. I can’t seem to get on my feet. I had to constantly fall each time I take a step. I feel that I’m struggling to keep my grip on things like grades, family and YFC. The neat thing though is I can see the fruits of my labor. I try hard to do my best, debate with honor, win with dignity and make the game beautiful. I’m slowly but surely achieving my list of goals in debate. I do have the passion to debate but it’s quite hard to actually balance everything. I have to get organized as soon as possible. Choral elocution is just around the corner and so is Inquirer Interscholastic Debate Championship (one of the biggest national debate competitions). Not to mention CMLI and YFC metrocon and the CTK Youth camp. Here goes the juggling clown! I just hope that I could do everything successfully. I’m keeping my fingers cross.

4:29 AM>

Hey, clean sheet! I feel like it’s the New Year because I have to start all over again. It has been a while since I updated my blog because I had a lot of bigger fish to fry. The hardest thing I’ve encountered these past few months is the fact that I have to go back to reality. It something you realize that makes you want to scream. I’ve come to realize that reality exist outside the debating world. It’s hard to get back to reality i.e. your school work, family and YFC because you dedicate so much of your time and effort into something that’s not really appreciated by the majority. Yes, I do admit that debating is not for everyone but what I find really annoying is when people meddle with my affairs. Stupid comments like “ ano debate ka na naman, debate ka ng debate”. The hardest part about that is getting mean comments about something you really like doing. People around me don’t have the right to actually bitch slap me because of something that I love to do. If you don’t appreciate it then why don’t you shut up! Whatever happened to privacy? It’s my choice and I’m not forcing you to like what I do in the first place. I’m not only doing this for myself it’s also for the school and that includes the person who keeps on alienating me just because I dedicate a lot of effort in debate. Whenever I go into a tournament I’m not known as Lawrence Marcos. I’m identified as a member of “Claret Debate Society” so on that level alone I want to actually represent Claret in such a way that I won’t look stupid. Because I’m the mere reflection of everyone else in school including those bitches that discriminate me for working hard to represent them in the first place. I really appreciate the people who tries to understand and be appreciative in what I do. You guys make me strong and it’s because of you guys that I still want to do my best and work hard for that championship trophy. I thank you personally and I want to put your names in this blog.
Thank you Ms. Rani, Monica (I’m sorry for not doing a good job as your partner), Ephraim, Carlo and Claret Debate Society, my family, DLSU debate society, and everyone else. Thank you for putting up with me and sometimes my annoying temper.

For those who put me down, I thank you as well because you’re making me a better person. Although your comments maybe mean and harsh you help me strive to represent you more. Even if I have a hard time with my studies and with everything else it’s worth it because this is all for you guys.

I know it’s an elusive dream but I dream of becoming a champion and champions never give up. So I won’t give up on my dream and guys don’t give up on me because we are all champions!

9:43 PM>

This day is something that is grating on my nerves. I don’t want to blame anyone but I feel like I need to voice out my feelings. How could a remark destroy years of being together? One simple sentence could ruin the entire mood! This day started out great but in the end it has gone mad. I need not to elaborate because now is not the right time to blame anyone. I just feel crappy because I get to suffer the consequences of something I did not take part of. I do sympathize with the party being insulted. I care a lot because they happen to be my teachers. I know how hard they work. They work because it’s something they want to do and not because of money. When could my batch move on? When everything is starting to be okay, one action would block us from being a united batch. I’m just tired of the bickering and blaming people. It’s our last year in school. As far as I’m concerned, it’s supposed to be memorable and fun. Why is it starting to suck? It taught me a valuable lesson. We really have to think before we speak. If it’s nothing good then we should keep to ourselves. The pen is not mightier than the sword! I believe that it should be revised. It should be the tongue is mightier than the sword. It’s because one wrong phrase could tarnish a relationship. I think that’s the reason why God assigned the tongue to be inside the mouth and he guarded it with a set of teeth. It simply means we have to be careful. I’m still looking at this at a positive point of view. I believe that it can be resolved and it only takes time. Both parties are hurt and I know that it’s not meant to be. Misinterpretation played a role in tarnishing both sides. It’s a big mistake but I know and feel that we could get over it. That’s why it’s called a mistake; we could simply try again until we perfect it. I feel like we should ask for an apology because it’s the first thing to do to start the ball rolling. Moving on, I just find it amazing how tittle-tattle spread like hell in an exclusive school for boys. It could have happened a few minutes ago but I was shocked that the whole school knew about it already. Gossip spreads at a speed of 978934720273834 kmph! Isn’t that unusual for a boy school? Beats me!

6:08 AM>